Now What?

Everyone knows the logical steps of relationships.

You meet.

You go on a few dates.

You decide you really like the person.

You bump uglies and decide to be exclusive. (Unless the sex is bad…then you’re probably still looking around)

You fall in love.

You meet each other’s families.

You move in together.

You get engaged.

You buy some rings.

And badabing-badaboom!

You will hopefully live happily ever after.

…but let’s be real…only 48% of us get the happy ending. The majority of us end up in a messy divorce riddled with anxiety, depression, and the everlasting stamp of failure.

So my questions is…how do you know you’re ready for each step? I think I missed the memo on how to not freak out but continue moving forward with someone.

The Electrician and I have been dating for almost a year now. Time has been flying past me at the speed of light. About three months into our relationship we had a huge fight during which I was convinced it would end us and I’d be back on the dating scene providing you all with stories of disgust or horror once again. However, it turns out in grown-up relationships fighting is often needed because two people are sometimes not on the same wavelengths so early on. Our next big rumble came about five months in when I decided to have a drink with an old flame that had burned out over a year ago. JBlondie has learned that while trust can be given at the beginning, I must never take it for granted.

Ahhhh relationships. Love is easy. It’s the learning and growing for the better that provides turns, twists, and roadblocks along our way.

roadtolove

At this point with The Electrician I am pretty sure he’s not my soulmate. However, I truly believe Ben is in my life for a reason. Ben makes me a better person. He challenges me to want more for myself but accepts all of my wobbly-bits and sticky parts for what they are.

“You’re the exception to the rule,” he’ll often say smiling.

Yes. Love can be fantastic. …and then other times I get so angry I have the urge to key his car. I should probably work on that.

But back to the subject, how do we know when it’s the right time? Is it just natural? Is the fact that I miss him when I’m not around him a sign it’s time to give him a key to my apartment? A part of me still doesn’t trust him which has nothing to do with anything HE has done. It’s my level of faith for humanity in general. Since I live with my bestie Kristyn I certainly don’t want to have anything similar to the Catfish incident reoccurring. Once again I must put my trust in someone. I have to hope that Ben is what he appears to be. I have to believe he is as honest and as good natured as he portrays. It’s scary though…out here…putting everything on the line.

What are your thoughts World of WordPress? When are YOU ready for the next step?

Advertisements

21 thoughts on “Now What?

  1. The next step? I dunno, I’m still working on getting dates over here. Let me get back to you when I progress past that part.

    You know, I wouldn’t be surprised if you ended up staying with him for quite some time… and then some. Even though you say he’s not The One” it’s like you keep telling me… you never know!

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Here’s my first thought… maybe another one later….
    I never wanted to “key” the car of any of the women I was in a loving relationship with…

    Ok, my second thought…. you wrote, “A part of me still doesn’t trust him” etc….
    Then it’s time to move on….
    I’ve never entered into a relationship without fully trusting my partner from the beginning!
    And I mean like from week three!!!

    Lastly…I’m gonna assume by now Ben knows of your blog…If so, I’d be telling you to hit the road for discussing the relationship for x many people to read about… Just wrong!

    I’ll see if I can think of any positive reinforcement:)

    Liked by 1 person

    • Some follow-up responses…

      You and I are not the same person and we certainly don’t have the same backgrounds. I’m sure my emotions are stronger and less keyed in than a 60 something male.

      The part of me that doesn’t trust him is the same part that has been burned over and over again by sociopathic men. It’s not something I see going away magically for the right person. It’s something that has to be overcome so I can grow.

      Week three and you 100% trust your partner?!…that’s absurd. You barely know them and their background. If you’re fully trusting someone three weeks in…you’ve probably been either taken for a ride by several females…or never been hurt before. I’d go with the latter.

      Ben knows of my blog. But he doesn’t read it. He’s a private person and although he likes privacy my blog would never interfere with that. …given BEN is not his real name. So I’m certainly glad you and I aren’t in a relationship because you obviously would NOT respect my need to write out into the universe. But thanks for stopping by 🙂 I love America and it’s Free Speech.

      Liked by 2 people

  3. I’ve been with hubs 24 years now and let me tell you I have fought the urge to key his car, rip up his clothes or even punch him at times! Trust me, that’s normal!
    As for when you know? I moved in with him almost instantly so I am not the person to answer that for you.
    I think, because you have had negative experiences and because you are at an age where you have lived your life on your terms it is more difficult to adjust or to take the risk of letting someone in. I was only 19 when I met hubs so we grew up together.
    It is hard to trust when you’ve been burned but maybe the question to ask yourself is this… Are the good things about being with him worth the potential pain if it doesn’t work out? Is what he brings to your life worth the risk?
    I hope it all works out J. I wish you happiness always.
    Kat x

    Liked by 2 people

  4. I somehow lost my last brilliant comment. Darn. I think I said something like:

    I knew I shouldn’t have married my husband and did anyway. I wouldn’t recommend you move forward with any big life decisions (such as moving in) if your gut is yelling at you.

    Do you know why you don’t think he’s your soulmate? Looking at that list may help you identify if these are things that should stop you from moving forward.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Ahh, so many good points here. When DO you know. Even when you’re completely in sync in the beginning, things can change! 3 months in is kinda early for a fight – I would have thought for sure it was over. Also I find that being single for several years built up my resolve to say “f*ck you!” And keep it moving. But in a committed situation that you want to work, you go back to the drawing board and address issues, versus dropping the ball. Good stuff.

    Like

  6. Don’t give the keys to the apartment unless there is good reason and you are sure of it – especially since you are living with someone else.

    No need to rush things. It’s about enjoying spending time together and continuing to get to know and understand each other better. I personally think all the marriage stuff is mostly silliness, aside from maybe some tax perks and such.

    Just keep dating him! Enjoy dating him! Learn from the experiences! Rinse, repeat!

    Liked by 2 people

  7. J! I wish I knew the answer to that question myself — I’ve been seeing Ryan for 7 months now (ugh, I miss blogging!) Unfortunately my relationship will soon either be entering long-distance or come to an end, so that’s going to be a very hard decision. Since I’m presuming Ben is staying put, I agree with the other bloggers – don’t rush into giving him the keys if you don’t feel it’s the right time to do so. Just enjoy your relationship right now, if he hasn’t brought up next steps yet and you don’t feel ready, then don’t rush it. Like what I’ve been doing… think about your relationship so far – what values and similarities you share. It certainly helps in deciding whether or not this guy is your ‘soulmate’ for the rest of your life.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s