High Voltage

Simply sitting across from him gave me butterflies. As I started to talk, his eyes began to smile and his shoulders leaned in as if he refused to miss anything I was saying.

I can tell you by that time I had absolutely no idea what I was actually talking about, I just didn’t want him to stop looking at me like that.

As my train of thought derailed, I shook my head hoping for my memory to return, but it had been lost.

“…and I have no idea what I was just talking about…” I admitted.

“…good thing you’re absolutely adorable then,” he responded smiling.

I began to laugh awkwardly  as he ordered his third beer, and I realized I either really liked The Electrician or that Jack and Diet had already fizzed to my brain.

His South Sider Chicago accent was too attractive for words, and the fact that he liked punk rock music made me swoon almost immediately. However, I wasn’t convinced Ben was going to receive a second date quite yet.

Ben was a single dad of two, divorced four years ago, and seemed like the type who “just enjoys meeting new people.” As we are all aware…I really don’t have patience for new “friends.” I have plenty of friends and I’m on the search for something more than a new shopping buddy. Moreover, Ben was my usual “type.” Starting five months ago, I was attempting to stray away from all men who resembled my past, and here he was seeming to be another dime a dozen.

But Ben surprised me. The morning after drinks he called and asked for a second date. He told me he had been “smitten,” by me.

….I don’t think anyone has ever been smitten by JBlondie before.

I rather liked it.

Even though my defenses were up, I agreed to a second date. The next Sunday, Ben and I were at the movies. I realized then that Ben WAS different from my usual type. He was extremely intelligent, a veracious reader, and he was ridiculously kind.

One night over the phone, Ben had explained the reason for his divorce. His wife had cheated on him with his best friend.

“I guess I’ve just always been way too trusting of people,” he said. “If someone tells me something, I believe them at face value.”

My body froze in that moment. My throat was like the Sahara Desert, and rather than delve into my past I simply responded …

”I know EXACTLY what you mean.”

Our third date consisted of Ben showing me around the city to a few of his favorite bookstores, and to a kitchy diner for dinner. The conversation wasn’t perfect, my nerves were at an all-time high, but I realized then that things don’t need to be perfect, and sometimes early on in dating there are awkward moments. And that’s ok.

Ben showed me his house that night and we began making out on his couch. He asked me if I wanted to go upstairs, and I knew what that meant. However, something happened. I looked into Ben’s eyes and simply said…”not yet.” (I know, I was surprised too!)

“I like that,” he responded.

We continued making out for a little while before I left for home.

It’s been two and a half months so far with Ben. He’s allowing me to gently lower my guard, and we have so many things in common that it’s quite shocking. His kisses make my legs wobbly, and I felt comfortable enough with him last night to explain my Psychopath mistake and my Catfish mishap.

Ben simply kissed my forehead and told me he wasn’t surprised by any of it. He said he could see my big heart the first time we met.

This blog has come to be a place of contemplation for me over the last year.

But I believe it’s fitting to end it here…or at least Pause it for a long while.

I’m not sure if Ben is my soulmate, and only time will tell where our relationship will lead. But for now, he is mine and I am his. And that is all I feel like sharing.

Suffice it to say, I have decided to take another leap for love. Let’s hope it’s into uncharted and friendly waters.

Happy New Year Dear Friends…

With Love,