Hello trouble…nice to make your acquaintance.
As I watched him take a seat beside me at the bar there was no doubt in my mind I would eventually sleep with him. He was exactly my type. He was tall, with dark brown eyes, and his smile was anything but kind.
Christian and I had very strange discourse via Plenty of Freaks. We had been casually speaking for about three weeks and it was all very…sarcastic. Our messages consisted of one line, sometimes even one word responses several times throughout the day to one another. It was odd to say the least. When he finally asked for my number I wasn’t sure where it would lead. Yet now here I was, in a familiar bar, with an unfamiliar man.
We began immediately diving into the do’s and don’ts of online dating. Christian wasn’t one for small talk, so when I asked him how he had remained so down to earth and casual about being a serial dater, I knew then that I would never forget his response. He laughed, looked straight into my eyes, and said…
“Jess, somewhere along the line I learned to not give a fuck.”
For some reason, still unbeknownst to me, I was immediately turned on by this tall, dark stranger.
As a thousand questions raced through my brain, Christian began to tell me about his job. We worked at rivaling hospital chains, however while I was patient based, Christian worked as head of the IT Department for his company. The banter became playful as he made digs at why his employer was better than mine, and suddenly he once again took me by surprise.
“Well look at you,” He commented. “You’ve already let your guard down.”
My cheeks immediately blushed and I quickly took a large sip from my vodka tonic. His game was good, and he knew it. Christian was correct. I wasn’t being my first date self. My polite front had been washed away by Christian’s overwhelming amount of charm. Rather than my sweetheart inquisitive side, which usually takes over for the first few dates, Christian was seeing parts of me I rarely introduced so early on.
He ordered me a second drink without asking and while some women would find this pushy or annoying, I’ll freely admit that his dominance made me drool like a hungry pup. Christian’s carefree confidence was highly attractive, and I wondered if it would correspond in the bedroom. My inner monologue was extremely conflicted. Suddenly, I began to chastise myself.
“It’s been an hour Jessica and you’re already thinking about sleeping with him. Get it together! Look at your life. Look at your choices.”
Several times this past year, I have felt like a cartoon character when facing a moral decision. The angel sitting on my right shoulder is constantly at odds with the little devil on my left. The angel reminds me to be lady-like focusing on the goal of finding my soulmate, whereas my evil side is more concerned with dick size and bedroom capabilities. I’ll admit I’ve always been a sucker for immediate gratification, and online dating has made this quality of mine all the more apparent.
Before I knew it Christian was leaning in to kiss me. He stopped right before reaching my lips and stayed there…motionless.
His mouth began to form words…
“Right now you’re wondering if you should kiss me. Where will it lead to or do I even want to kiss him yet, you’re thinking.”
Fucking Mind Reader! Christian was suddenly expressing the inner turmoil happening in my head.
“I’m not going to kiss you yet,” he answered. “But I wanted you to know that I know what’s going on in that pretty blonde head of yours.”
He pulled away from my face and took a drink of his beer. I became a little dizzy and wondered how this man knew me so well. How many other women had he seduced so thoroughly?
Walking me out to my car, Christian made a comment concerning my height while simultaneously engulfing my hand in his. Arriving to my compact silver fox, he pushed my hips against the car door. Slowly he leaned his lips down to the base of my neck and softly drew a line with his nose up to my jaw. Rather than heading in for a kiss he whispered into my ear.
“I know you like being told what to do,” he stated.
My legs were suddenly Jello.
“You’re going to come home with me, but we’re not going to fuck. I’m going to make you wait. Now get in your car and follow me home.”
In that moment the angel had been silenced, and I’m pretty sure my tiny devil was dancing with delight. I was either heading to my impending death, or to a night that would prove to be a first for JBlondie’s Little Black Book. As my keys went into the ignition I voiced a prayer up into the darkened sky.
Dear Mary Magdalene, please don’t let this man be a serial killer.