Over Ollie

My body tensed. I had a lump in my throat. Ollie’s face was as straight as ever. No hint of humor.

 “ummmm what?” I asked.

“Yeah. My real name is Peter.” His lips began to slowly part into a grin.

Nervous laughter erupted from my throat because Ollie had to be joking. …Right?

(If you have no idea what this post is about you probably need to read about Ollie Here, And Here, and Part 3)

 “You’re stupid,” I said with a forced chuckle.

From there Ollie began to smile and laugh uncomfortably as well.

(Seriously…imagine a really awkward moment from your life…times that by 10)

 To be honest, I hadn’t been in a laughing mood after explaining everything. But I know how The Catfish sounds to other people. I realize that while it’s an awful situation, it’s somewhat comical (and pathetic) that I take it so seriously. However, Ollie had asked me to begin showing vulnerable parts of myself, and while I hadn’t expected this type of response, I guess I should have…

 “Oh this isn’t going to work,” He sighed. “I can already see you becoming bored with me.”

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“You’re not use to being happy and in a stable relationship.” He answered.

“But that’s exactly what I want. I just haven’t found it yet. I was incredibly happy and satisfied when I thought The Catfish was real.” I chuckled.

Ollie saw me as broken. I was tainted. He had been telling me since our second date how intelligent he thought I was, but the look on his face had changed. In that moment I could see he now viewed me as just another dumb girl.

Needless to say his eyes no longer sparkled when I spoke.

Needless to say his eyes no longer sparkled when I spoke.

For the first time since Catfish had nearly pulled me under, I had allowed myself to tell the story to an outsider. Beyond the World of WordPress, only a few select people know about this utter embarrassment of mine. Being seduced by an internet ghost is not something JBlondie regales people with at parties. These days I’m more likely to laugh at the thought of being naked in front of my web cam rather then cry, but I still have moments where Fake Pete haunts me.

Ollie was somewhat laughing with me at that point, but I could tell he had a million thoughts racing through his brain.

We left his house and went for dinner. He took me to his favorite burrito place, and on our way home we talked about music and some of his friends. He never really asked me questions about myself. In the beginning, he alluded to the fact he was wanting to respect my guard, but now that everything is said and done, maybe he “just wasn’t that into me.”

We spent the night cuddling on the rug in front of his fake fireplace just relaxing.

 “Blankets, cuddles, and a lazy day. The Trifecta of Awesome.” He commented.

It had been a weird day in my opinion. And although Ollie had not taken Catfish how I would’ve wanted him to, he didn’t seem to be serious of what he had said earlier.

 We fell asleep and I woke up to him holding me. It was a chilly morning outside, and I adored waking up to being spooned. I hadn’t been this intimate with someone in a very long time, and it felt …lovely.

couple

 Leaving that morning I kissed him goodbye, and awkwardly flew out the door. I traveled home, filled Kristyn in on what had taken place the day before, and then went to dinner with my friend Lindsay.

It was late evening when I texted Ollie a little joke we had going about him becoming my physical trainer (he’s super into fitness…a body like whoa!)

A few hours went by, and while I could tell he had read my text message (thanks iphone technology), he hadn’t responded.

At midnight he retorted with a one-line comeback.

Normally I wouldn’t become nervous by this, but the thing was, Ollie was an extreme texter. In fact, in the very beginning, I would often find myself a bit tired of texting so much. Ollie was one of those people sending ten texts in a row without your response back, whereas I’m not one to be chained to my phone. But I had appreciated his intensity so I reciprocated.

The next morning I woke up to a “Good morning,” text from him, which made me feel slightly more at ease. Later that afternoon, I asked him how his day was going…no response. Ever. Ollie was either commencing “The Fade Out,” or he had meant what he said on Saturday.

“This isn’t going to work….”

The next day I figured I’d go balls to the walls. I sent Ollie a text that read,

“Hey-any plans for Friday?”

I was not surprised in the least when I read his response.

“Yeah I have my best friend’s birthday dinner that night.”

Funny. He had his best friend’s birthday dinner last Wednesday too.

This is where JBlondie got a little crazy. I know…feel free to judge me for the next text I sent. It was a moment I shall always regret because I gave into “the game.”

 “I was asked out for dinner this Friday by someone. What are your thoughts on me saying yes to that?” (By the way…totally had NOT been asked out to dinner. I was trying to play a game, which I am so NOT skilled at).

No response.

The next day I woke up angryreally angry. I was angry with myself. I was angry with Ollie. I was angry at dating, and fate, and that fucking cherub cupid who is obviously an idiot.

Yeah...Yeah...Yeah...

Yeah…Yeah…Yeah…

 

Grabbing my phone I sent a text which read:

“It’s very surprising to me that you would tell me your supposedly deepest darkest secret, and then do the fade out rather than being direct and up front. Just saying.”

“Well I’ve been really busy with work and honestly that question you asked me yesterday through me off.”– Ollie’s Response

…and that’s how it ended.

Ollie was not the Catfish (but he had found my blog unknowingly to me). I had opened myself up on my own volition. I had went crazy with his inconsistency and I had let my past get the best of me. When we allow ourselves to be too vulnerable too quickly…we become easily crushed.

Maybe Ollie was doing The Fade Out…or maybe I’m insane. Maybe I should NEVER tell the Catfish story again…to anyone. Maybe Ollie didn’t like me because of my work schedule which he had already commented on how it “may not work” because of that. Maybe my comment on how I couldn’t understand the lyrics to his favorite screamo music was the deal breaker. No one really knows.

But here’s what I do know. I know that I really liked Ollie, but when someone pushes you for vulnerability SO quickly, it’s not because they want to know you, they’re playing a game. They want you to crave them. They want you to expose you’re deepest parts, so they can have the upper-hand. The words he had said meant nothing. He had no intention of staying. He wanted entertainment. And apparently The JBlondie Show wasn’t up to his standards.

Oh Fuck Off Kid..

Oh Fuck Off Kid..

 

 

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39 thoughts on “Over Ollie

  1. Ollie is a total shit, here you are pouring your heart out and he makes light of it all. Whatever the reason it didn’t work out, he doesn’t sound like someone who would have your back when shit got real (and shit always gets real every now and then).
    And this…

    “Oh this isn’t going to work,” He sighed. “I can already see you becoming bored with me.”

    “What do you mean?” I asked.

    “You’re not use to being happy and in a stable relationship.” He answered.

    Grrrr can’t stand when people think they know me better than I know me!!!!!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    • This is why I consider his ‘game’ to be good. The subliminal effect of those two lines is that you will feel a sense of loss, which binds you to him. He was attaching you to him, making you subservient to him, making you want him more.

      You’re now in a tailspin, but he’ll be back with a plausible story…unless he finds a better option. You’re on the ‘backburner’ in his little black book.

      Never interact with him again.

      You’ve dodged another bullet.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I always thought I was pretty oblivious to game players but now I’ve come to the realisation that I’m completely oblivious.

    Either I’m falling for everything exactly as they plan or I’m falling for nothing and just moving on with little to no attachment, much to their dismay. Or am *I* the game player (unknowingly)?

    Or have I just not dealt with game players? How common are these people?

    It is wayyy too late at night to figure that all out.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. “They want you to expose you’re deepest parts, so they can have the upper-hand”
    Being seduced in giving him the dominance he craved.

    I do not want to call this a game as it was meant to rope someone in and hold against their will. Okay maybe not entirely the right words.
    Hate to think there are people who force a bond this way and gaining an upper hand by knowing something so intimate.

    It is and I think you would understand this very well. A kind of reverse psychology By gesturing one is unaware of dangers and voluntarily agrees to follow.

    I think you are better off without him.
    Just the hurting part that is not a nice thing. Keep on smiling and carry on living.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. “…Maybe I should NEVER tell the Catfish story again…to anyone…”

    Oh FUCK that and FUCK HIM! Don’t you dare question yourself for sharing yourself with an intimate partner. There is no such thing as a successful relationship without risk & vulnerability. Don’t let some sick, selfish, manipulative, TWAT change you into someone less than the person you are. Yes, you feel burned, hurt & disappointed – because you had HOPE with this one & he used you. That doesn’t mean that there is anything wrong with YOU – it means he was a shit who deliberately sought out your soft spots in order to exploit them. Fuck him. Don’t you question yourself. Your motives were honest.

    Liked by 3 people

    • “Embrace the hate,” ….Nice fucker. This was all a couple months ago so I’m actually taking your advice currently 😉 UVM has a whole set of different issues though. LOL.

      Like

  5. I have been reading all of your Ollie and Catfish posts during my breakfast (I should probably be leaving the house for now!hah) . By reading about Ollie, I understand how it can be disappointing how things ended seeing as you two seemed to have a really good connection going between you two (so rare these days). HOWEVER, I do not think you should overanalyse or even blaming yourself for what you did or what you said. He should had stayed either way. I know it’s such a pessimist way to see things but I do think the same as you , if people are truly ‘into us’, nothing is truly that much of a ‘problem’. When people do the Fade Out for silly things, just confirms that they were not worth the effort in first place.
    I will be coming back to read more on your blog. Loved it.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Oh god! You read some of the most depressing posts-please read my funny ones too! Lol. Thanks for reading Yessica! I completely agree with what you said. When someone likes us…there’s not much that is going to stand in their way from being with us.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. The Fade Out is the worst! You can convince yourself for days, even weeks, that it isn’t really happening and they will be back soon. I would much prefer someone just said ‘This isn’t working. Thanks for a great time. Have a nice life.’ I’ve had to do it before and, whilst not much fun, it is so much better than leaving someone hanging….

    The Fade Out is definitely one of my least favourite parts of dating.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Your experience exemplifies, no it epitomizes the very reason that I will never be in that game should anything change with my life. My SIL’s 18 month losing battle with ovarian cancer injected a massive and harsh dose or reality that if I was ever able to pick up the pieces after such a horror, I would either:

    1) eat lead
    2) performance test my vehicle’s gravity-defiance abilities (from the nearest bridge)
    3) live by myself with no desire for intimate contact…and, progressing towards #1 or #2.

    I don’t play games. I will never play games. I don’t have any desires to be involved with someone who does. I know what passionate love is and I am experiencing that. Facing the threat of losing that sends shivers down my spine and sends thoughts scattering.

    Sorry to be a downer. I just have this much passion and love for my bride.

    Liked by 1 person

      • Thank you!

        I wish that other men would be as committed to that as I am. For that matter, I wish that women would also. This changed our marriage and we both feel as energetic and excited as we did when we were first married (though we have considerably more [and better] sex now).

        It is so simple!!

        Liked by 1 person

      • I think it’s simple too–but I also know that we don’t want to invest ourselves until we meet someone that excites us like Mrs. WC does for you. What you two have is rare…incredibly rare…but something I know is out there and I refuse to give up my personal search! 😉

        Liked by 1 person

  8. What an absolute idiot!

    I hate the fade out and a really pathetic end 😛 It’s so irritating when guys come on so strong and then are just pathetic.

    I have had that… and kudos for actually writing about it so honestly 🙂

    I also have a post coming up about catfish but haven’t found one knowingly yet… although I have those feelings, so should probably follow them but as you say some people are bad at doing that like us I guess! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Simmering and sputtering with all manner of bellicose fury, allow one to strip it down by pithily quoting a celebrated native of your adopted Chicagoland area:

    “Cocksucker should be horsewhipped with a horsewhip.”

    Liked by 1 person

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