Moments Vs. Months

There is a moment when you lose yourself. Everything and everyone around you remains insignificant. Your body is tingling all over. You’re excited and yet completely relaxed. The limbs attached to your torso have a mind all their own. The racing thoughts which once consumed your brain have been hushed. To step out of your rambling head and find an inner freedom is nothing that can be truly explained.

speed

Not everyone has the ability to free themselves, while some of us do it far too often.

People lose themselves in various ways. Drugs and alcohol are pretty popular outlets. Others lose themselves in work, spending hours at the office, forgetting to live the life around them. Some choose to fall down the dark hole of depression. They swallow their emotions and are only alive on the surface.

Last October I did something many people do. I temporarily lost myself in another person…or multiple people rather. One could say I blindfolded my heart, spun around in circles, and gave myself to whomever I landed on. Mental Note: Finding your soul-mate should never resemble a game of Pin The Tail on The Donkey.

donkeykick

During that time I was wild. Unfortunately, living in chaos suits me. Adrenaline alone can keep JBlondie moving for weeks on end. However, I also tend to hate the person I become while on that roller coaster. Embracing the mayhem often means treading muddy waters and getting stuck.

 

So I began to write…breaking the bedlam and re-finding my focus. …with some laughs along the way.

Exploring the under lying reasons why I desire to lose myself in the first place has also been an eye-opening notion.

Lately, I’ve been losing myself while running. In late afternoon or early evening you may spot me outside wandering, with only the pavement beneath my feet to guide me home. Occasionally, on Saturday nights, you might see me on the dance floor with my eyes closed, losing myself in the music as if I’m the only one there. All of my insecurities are forgotten and the crowd I’m surrounded by disappears.

I’ve come to learn that losing myself is only beneficial in moments. Leaning off kilter for too long sends me reeling for months and doesn’t provide the type of release I crave anyway.

It’s a tricky concept …to lose yourself. A selfish act that sometimes is exactly what I need to regain balance. For a chronic over-thinker life can be exhausting sometimes.

My hope is to find someone who can understand all of this. Someone who recognizes my need to let go and run wild, as long as I only run home to him. He’ll help remind me to keep things simple when they appear oh so complicated. And on certain nights, he will allow me to lose myself in him if only for a few hours.

…Because the reason why we lose ourselves, is to find ourselves all over again.

The video below provided me with several chuckles. It’s a flashback of a 10 year old JBlondie losing herself in the moment. In case you don’t know what it’s like…this is the best example of inner freedom I could find.

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17 thoughts on “Moments Vs. Months

  1. No one *chooses* depression hun, its a sucky disease that drains the life out of you. I realise its probably just wording you chose to make a point so I’ll forgive you this time 😉

    But I love this concept; losing yourself in moments. Its nice to switch the brain off sometimes 🙂 but you’re right – don’t switch it off for *too* long!

    Oh my gawwwddd I’m cringing at the donkey gif!! Ouuucchhh!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Trust me Goat…YOU may not choose depression…but A LOT of people do. It was a word play there so please do excuse that because I realize a chemical imbalance is not a choice. But I’ll repeat …PLENTY of people CHOOSE depression. It’s much easier then feeling.

      And that donkey gif? omg…perfection!..FYI …I read your Slothy post six more times yesterday after I commented. LOL

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  2. First of a kick-ass video clip with some great music.Love it..

    It is the most underestimated thing to do. Taking enough time out of the regular.and being alone with just you. As you mentioned, whether it is through meditation or just stand in the middle of a crowd listening to music. It is the time we recharge ourselves or maybe to release all the build up adrenaline.

    Either way it is a well needed time.having someone who does not running off is just as important as having one who understands and waits at home. It is maybe why we tent to go through pauses and end up breaking up. One cannot wait or get lost/influenced.

    Hope you will find your way home when ever you get lost. And keep on smiling.

    Liked by 1 person

    • It is very underestimated indeed Crow!

      You bring up an interesting point. If we are out running free and our partner is waiting at home…what if we begin to change while losing ourselves? Mayhaps we must find a partner that can run with us? Hmmm food for thought.

      Thanks for reading-genuine smiling is the absolute goal. 😉

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      • I am just lucky to have a brain lying around somewhere that occasionally rolls from under the sofa and tells me to reflect and think.

        I been in this situation and as much as I understand I also seen change or more space being created. Detachment.Not just by the one who is out there taking time but also the one at home. Who thought it was a bit to much time Well don’t mind the running I definitely could use the excessive..But then can we be alone with ourselves.

        Ooh any one in for a relationship therapist LOL. In all my years I still have not figured this out. as to say this works. Yeah I am looking at women, I know we men got a manual thick as thigh. But come one yours maybe just as thick but why all the BUT… And IF… how more complex does it get.

        Cancel last part haha cheers Jblondie Here is to ME-time.

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  3. It is tricky. I think that ‘running wild’ time is needed every so often, if not for any reason other than to regain mental clarity. I’ve run wild for too long at times in my life and returned to my normal life to find it in slag heaps. I guess it was much too long of running wild for me. 🙂 Now, I’ll just take a day by myself and lock myself in a recording studio and just get lost in music. It has a cathartic effect on me, and I can rejoin normal life unscathed.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. While I wouldn’t say anyone wakes up one day and says, “Hey I think I might become depressed!” I can sort of see what you mean when you say people choose to loose themselves in depression. I was having a hard time a few years ago, and trying and trying to fight off feeling shit became a lot harder than just feeling shit.
    But I do think we need to be careful in implying that anyone choses any sort of mental illness.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Love your blog, and this post, felt like I was reading my own thoughts. I so get where you’re coming from. I think it’s important to lose yourself a little and have your little wild crazy moments everyday (not the self-destructive ones of course) where you just let go of all your worries and insecurities. I find it makes my days happier, easier. 9/10 times its just my music blaring in my room or on the dance floor (I’m a bad dancer so it’s rarely the floor, I stick with the room) and just losing myself to my dance and to my music. Just me moving to my music like the rest of the world doesn’t exist, its a little selfish but I love it because sometimes I find myself too. We lose ourselves in the things we love, but I believe that’s where we also find ourselves. Thanks for this great post, made me smile! 😉

    Like

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