There is a moment when you lose yourself. Everything and everyone around you remains insignificant. Your body is tingling all over. You’re excited and yet completely relaxed. The limbs attached to your torso have a mind all their own. The racing thoughts which once consumed your brain have been hushed. To step out of your rambling head and find an inner freedom is nothing that can be truly explained.
Not everyone has the ability to free themselves, while some of us do it far too often.
People lose themselves in various ways. Drugs and alcohol are pretty popular outlets. Others lose themselves in work, spending hours at the office, forgetting to live the life around them. Some choose to fall down the dark hole of depression. They swallow their emotions and are only alive on the surface.
Last October I did something many people do. I temporarily lost myself in another person…or multiple people rather. One could say I blindfolded my heart, spun around in circles, and gave myself to whomever I landed on. Mental Note: Finding your soul-mate should never resemble a game of Pin The Tail on The Donkey.
During that time I was wild. Unfortunately, living in chaos suits me. Adrenaline alone can keep JBlondie moving for weeks on end. However, I also tend to hate the person I become while on that roller coaster. Embracing the mayhem often means treading muddy waters and getting stuck.
So I began to write…breaking the bedlam and re-finding my focus. …with some laughs along the way.
Exploring the under lying reasons why I desire to lose myself in the first place has also been an eye-opening notion.
Lately, I’ve been losing myself while running. In late afternoon or early evening you may spot me outside wandering, with only the pavement beneath my feet to guide me home. Occasionally, on Saturday nights, you might see me on the dance floor with my eyes closed, losing myself in the music as if I’m the only one there. All of my insecurities are forgotten and the crowd I’m surrounded by disappears.
I’ve come to learn that losing myself is only beneficial in moments. Leaning off kilter for too long sends me reeling for months and doesn’t provide the type of release I crave anyway.
It’s a tricky concept …to lose yourself. A selfish act that sometimes is exactly what I need to regain balance. For a chronic over-thinker life can be exhausting sometimes.
My hope is to find someone who can understand all of this. Someone who recognizes my need to let go and run wild, as long as I only run home to him. He’ll help remind me to keep things simple when they appear oh so complicated. And on certain nights, he will allow me to lose myself in him if only for a few hours.
…Because the reason why we lose ourselves, is to find ourselves all over again.
The video below provided me with several chuckles. It’s a flashback of a 10 year old JBlondie losing herself in the moment. In case you don’t know what it’s like…this is the best example of inner freedom I could find.