…Yes They Most Certainly Do….
A couple months ago I accompanied my mother to a work related event she had organized. I chatted with all of her associates, regaled them with my tragic dating stories for entertainment, and had them rehash their old college party days with me.
It was a lovely evening filled with a lot of laughs and plenty of alcohol. Also…the crab cakes were delish!
The next day I popped by my mother’s house to gossip about the night before and commend her on her excellent party planning skills. We began talking about conversations we had during the event and out of nowhere my mother stated bluntly…
“You know Jessica, the way you listen to people and the look on your face when you’re doing it would have everyone believing that you had fallen in love with them, which is probably why almost everyone falls in love with you.”
I laughed at her ridiculous comment at that moment, but on my drive home I got to thinking…was my mother right? (Fuck, I hate when that happens)
Do I present myself as though I’m in love with everyone?
The truth is…I usually AM in love with everyone at first. People fascinate me. I can’t get enough of them…even if they’re a complete asshole. If I don’t know you, I want to. And sure I find certain people annoying just like everyone else…but they still interest me. What makes you tick?
When I ask people how they’re doing, it’s not out of politeness; I truly want to know what they’re thinking about.
Most people don’t understand this about me. In fact, several men I’ve dated have found it severely annoying. They just don’t get it. It has nothing to do with being a people pleaser or wanting to be everyone’s friend…no no…I have enough friends…it’s more along the lines of curiosity.
This little quirk tends to make me really good at my job. HOWEVER it has made dating VERY complicated.
Think about it. When someone is sitting in front of you, listening to you intently, asking questions and showing genuine interest in what you’re saying…what starts to happen? You connect with that person.
Now I’d ask you to add a horny male into that mix and the cute (albeit spastic with a tiny bit of fluff) blonde is the one who is listening intently. Let’s imagine what takes place.
Needless to say, I’ve made a lot of connections in my life.
Men begin to connect with me and that’s when it happens. They begin to build me up in their heads. Then I start talking about my longing to find something real. I romanticize the idea of soulmates.
If they have been burned by a woman in the past, they tend to crave my emotion.
They want to feel something…so they do.
…but unfortunately…what they’re feeling has little to do with who I am. They’re not interested in what I’m thinking or what I’m feeling (except in the bedroom of course…then they’re obsessed with knowing what I’m feeling). No. They are enjoying the opportunity I’m giving them. They love the freedom to be who they are without judgment or consequence.
It’s not uncommon for the man to do most of the talking on first dates with me. …and you’d be shocked at the number of times I’ve heard…”Why am I telling you all of this?” I usually smile and just say “because I’m interested.”
This emotional intake I do with people is not on purpose. I genuinely want to get to know them. …but then here’s the thing…usually I know EVERYTHING about them and when they finally start learning things about me…their interest fades.
That initial rush they received from exposing themselves to me is gone. They realize it’s their turn to intake the information. …and they usually don’t want to. They rather I remained a mystery.
They think it’s cool I play guitar…but they don’t want to know much about it. They know I’m an only child…but that’s about it. They recall asking me why I chose my profession but they certainly don’t want to hear me talk about my job everyday (even though it’s one of my favorite topics).
So when I find a man who asks me questions on the first date (not out of politeness but complete interest) I immediately feel for him. If we get through the second date and I’ve exposed even the tiniest bit of myself…I want to sleep with him.
Therefore, I’m usually attracted to emotionally closed off men…because they usually turn the focus on me. I have realized that I cannot be emotionally intimate with someone unless they are emotionally with holding from me. …pretty fucked up right?
This fact has also led me to a lot of awkward situations. For example, are you friends with most of the people you’ve dated in the past? I am. I still talk with ear licker, Riker, my old college boyfriend, and my first love on a regular basis. The only reason I’m not friends with The Psychopath is because he moved to South Carolina with his Ex and the only reason I don’t continue to speak with The Mad Hatter is because well…he’s a lunatic.
Finally realizing this though it’s about time I began to change the way I date. I’m taking all of this insight and actually doing something with it. So from here on out Jblondie has a new “type,” …or DO I? Is it possible to change our “type?” Let’s see how this goes….
Stay Tuned For Next week’s post…. My LUST for deaf Riker goes to a whole new level….and THEN quickly shrinks…(foreshadowing) 😉