Can We Change Our “Type?”

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…Yes They Most Certainly Do….

A couple months ago I accompanied my mother to a work related event she had organized. I chatted with all of her associates, regaled them with my tragic dating stories for entertainment, and had them rehash their old college party days with me.

It was a lovely evening filled with a lot of laughs and plenty of alcohol. Also…the crab cakes were delish!

Anyway…

The next day I popped by my mother’s house to gossip about the night before and commend her on her excellent party planning skills. We began talking about conversations we had during the event and out of nowhere my mother stated bluntly…

 “You know Jessica, the way you listen to people and the look on your face when you’re doing it would have everyone believing that you had fallen in love with them, which is probably why almost everyone falls in love with you.”

Huh.

I laughed at her ridiculous comment at that moment, but on my drive home I got to thinking…was my mother right? (Fuck, I hate when that happens)

 Do I present myself as though I’m in love with everyone?

 The truth is…I usually AM in love with everyone at first. People fascinate me. I can’t get enough of them…even if they’re a complete asshole. If I don’t know you, I want to. And sure I find certain people annoying just like everyone else…but they still interest me. What makes you tick?

When I ask people how they’re doing, it’s not out of politeness; I truly want to know what they’re thinking about.

Most people don’t understand this about me. In fact, several men I’ve dated have found it severely annoying. They just don’t get it. It has nothing to do with being a people pleaser or wanting to be everyone’s friend…no no…I have enough friends…it’s more along the lines of curiosity.

This little quirk tends to make me really good at my job. HOWEVER it has made dating VERY complicated.

Think about it. When someone is sitting in front of you, listening to you intently, asking questions and showing genuine interest in what you’re saying…what starts to happen? You connect with that person.

Now I’d ask you to add a horny male into that mix and the cute (albeit spastic with a tiny bit of fluff) blonde is the one who is listening intently. Let’s imagine what takes place.

Needless to say, I’ve made a lot of connections in my life.

Men begin to connect with me and that’s when it happens. They begin to build me up in their heads. Then I start talking about my longing to find something real. I romanticize the idea of soulmates.

If they have been burned by a woman in the past, they tend to crave my emotion.

They want to feel something…so they do.

…but unfortunately…what they’re feeling has little to do with who I am. They’re not interested in what I’m thinking or what I’m feeling (except in the bedroom of course…then they’re obsessed with knowing what I’m feeling). No. They are enjoying the opportunity I’m giving them. They love the freedom to be who they are without judgment or consequence.

It’s not uncommon for the man to do most of the talking on first dates with me. …and you’d be shocked at the number of times I’ve heard…”Why am I telling you all of this?” I usually smile and just say “because I’m interested.”

This emotional intake I do with people is not on purpose. I genuinely want to get to know them. …but then here’s the thing…usually I know EVERYTHING about them and when they finally start learning things about me…their interest fades.

That initial rush they received from exposing themselves to me is gone. They realize it’s their turn to intake the information. …and they usually don’t want to. They rather I remained a mystery.

They think it’s cool I play guitar…but they don’t want to know much about it. They know I’m an only child…but that’s about it. They recall asking me why I chose my profession but they certainly don’t want to hear me talk about my job everyday (even though it’s one of my favorite topics).

So when I find a man who asks me questions on the first date (not out of politeness but complete interest) I immediately feel for him. If we get through the second date and I’ve exposed even the tiniest bit of myself…I want to sleep with him.

Therefore, I’m usually attracted to emotionally closed off men…because they usually turn the focus on me. I have realized that I cannot be emotionally intimate with someone unless they are emotionally with holding from me. …pretty fucked up right?

This fact has also led me to a lot of awkward situations. For example, are you friends with most of the people you’ve dated in the past? I am. I still talk with ear licker, Riker, my old college boyfriend, and my first love on a regular basis. The only reason I’m not friends with The Psychopath is because he moved to South Carolina with his Ex and the only reason I don’t continue to speak with The Mad Hatter is because well…he’s a lunatic.

Finally realizing this though it’s about time I began to change the way I date. I’m taking all of this insight and actually doing something with it. So from here on out Jblondie has a new “type,” …or DO I? Is it possible to change our “type?” Let’s see how this goes….

Stay Tuned For Next week’s post…. My LUST for deaf Riker goes to a whole new level….and THEN quickly shrinks…(foreshadowing) 😉

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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17 thoughts on “Can We Change Our “Type?”

  1. I TOTALLY get this. I too am very curious about everyone and as a result, ask a lot of questions. I didn’t think about the “so what”…so when I have a few more minutes to read and absorb, I will definitely come back 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I love it when it girls ask me lots of questions, because I see that as a sign of interest.

    As far as your type and what you’re attracted to… I was wondering whether you’re attracted to guys that remind you of your father? Because they say girls are typically attracted to men that remind them of their fathers, either physically or behaviorally or both. My ex was always attracted to pasty, pudgy, hairy guys (I was the obvious exception). She showed me a picture of her father once and guess what? Big pasty, pudgy hairy dude. The secretary at our office was always into big musclehead dudes. Her father was a big musclehead dude. And my oldest sister…. well, I’m sure you can guess what kinds of guys she’s attracted to. :/

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    • Of course you love it when they ask questions…this is my problem UVM LOL.

      And No. That’s not me at all. My father was the overly emotional, artistic type who had no problem expressing how he felt and in retrospect probably did it way too often. He was 5’6, and only weighed around 170 at his heaviest.

      My Type: Stoic, emotionally dead inside, large ego, 6 ft., and bulky. –Daddy issues was a good guess though 😉 hahaha

      A lot of women are attracted to men similar to their father because that is their “mirror” for the opposite sex. Our dad was the biggest influence in teaching us what it meant to be a man…so your findings are not surprising in the least.

      Liked by 1 person

      • I don’t believe the dad theory.. My dad is eccentric, hilariously silly but worries too much and overreacts pretty often. I’ve never even slept with anyone like that, let alone dated anyone like that!

        Liked by 1 person

  3. One of the most helpful ideas I ever learned was this- “If you want people to think you are the most interesting person in the room, ask them about themselves.”

    You seem to have mastered this concept quite well and the reaction you get demonstrates the truth of it. Men eat that shit up.

    But what’s your new “type”?

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    • My new type…oh BD…I don’t know. I’ve been trying to figure that out for about a month now and it doesn’t seem to be going well. Which makes me wonder if it IS possible to CHANGE our types at all??? All I know is that I can detect an emotionally dead man within 20 minutes of speaking face to face with him and I know then that it’s time to turn away and not get attached.

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      • Hmm, interesting. Tell me more about that (did you see what I did there? Slick, huh?)

        Seriously though, it seems that attraction to “type” would largely depend on what it is you’re looking for. I suspect it would be very difficult to simply decide you want to be attracted to the “Safe but predictable” type just to try something different.

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      • That’s the problem. I know what I want and what I’m looking for. I don’t find it in the “safe and predictable” type but the “bad boys” are never what I want in the long run either-they appear that way in the beginning though. …so I’m a stand still. No new “type” as of yet.

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  4. You know because I’m in sales & marketing (& I get paid to make people like me) it’s difficult to switch it off & yeah guys eat it up…. Look at you all focusing on me! But I’m working on it as I don’t want to date people who are only with me because I’m so “nice & I really listen to them”…. Also I’m telling you know I’m going to date someone with hair next. The last 3 have all had hair lol!

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  5. I suspect that your mother finds it embarrassing and it’s leading to scandalous gossip in the neighbourhood. It’s not that they’re jealous or bored (I’m sure they are anyway), but they didn’t think you were capable of such wench-like behaviour, what with your all-American girl-next-door look you’ve got going on there…perhaps they’re wondering if you spit or swallow…just saying…

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    • Oh you couldn’t be more wrong…my mother’s wild days were much more wild than mine. 😉 And the neighbors read my writing but they certainly don’t say anything because they already know what a disaster I am. Besides…how else would they get their “jollies” off –haha

      And I’m pretty sure YOU’RE the only wondering about that last part…and I’m pretty sure you could make an educated guess and be right 😉

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