Monday, February 10 2014…..
Teach: How are you?
JBlondie: Pretty good-how about you?
Teach: It’s Motivational Monday! I’ve been getting after it hard since 4:30 AM. #BOOM!
JBlondie: Lol wowza…I’m impressed Teach
Teach: So what have you been up to?
JBlondie: haha ummmm…well I just woke up and it’s 11:47 am so …
Teach: man! someone is lame saucin’ it today!
JBlondie: haha yeah pretty much…I had to work this weekend though unlike SOME people. You know not EVERYONE gets summers and winter vacations for weeks on end
Teach: Obvi…because most people aren’t a bowl of awesome sauce like I am. #noexcuses
JBlondie: …you’re something alright.
I don’t ever remember my 4th grade teacher being THIS hilarious. Teach could make anything interesting. His stories were never ending and even before I met him in person he had made my stomach muscles ache from laughter. Kristyn (who was now invested in helping me to erase psychopath from my memory) and myself were excited from the very beginning. This was an entirely different “type” for me. Through phone calls and text messages Teach seemed like a ball of energy that was up for anything as long as it wasn’t boring. The first picture he sent me of himself was in a giant sombrero and a wife beater…enough said.
I pulled up to the restaurant the evening of our first meet up, and was feeling confident that this was going to be a fun date. Especially since I had just received this text message….
Teach: It’s going down. #Timber #getexcited
Teach had suggested an organic pizza place half way between each other as he lived relatively far away, which I thought was pretty diplomatic and yet not overly eager. He had told me that I was only his second date meeting someone from online and his first experience had not been so grand apparently.
“She pretty much lied. She said she was bubbly and happy which appeared true over text messages but I get to the date and she like won’t talk.” He had told me one night over the phone. “Plus she was like a Chubby Chelsea…plus 30 lbs…” (This will be a new experience, a date with a douchebag).
I figured that I was the same over texting as I was in person and I had been completely, 100% honest with how I presented myself in pictures…as I had been burned before and would never want anyone I met to experience that feeling! …so I wasn’t particularly worried.
I sent a final prayer up into the heavens as I walked through the doors in my maroon cosmopolitan heels. “Dear God, Please don’t let this man be a serial killer.”
He was shorter than I had expected, but adorable. His glasses made him look younger than 27 and his gorgeous teeth made me want to stare at his mouth inappropriately.
I could tell he was nervous upon our first hello so I gave him a hug and immediately started asking questions…per my usual.
I’m always curious as to a date’s first thoughts when they see me. It’s rare to find a man in his 20’s who tells you what they’re thinking right off the bat. Instead they’re usually fidgety and unsure of themselves at first. The insights and compliments come later after you laugh at some of their jokes. However I was particularly curious with what Teach was thinking given his openness regarding his first online misfortune…
After Teach had told me some of his infamous student stories and we finished our pizza I was ready to move on to our bowling plans, but he seemed to want to just sit and chat. I’ve never been one to spend hours in restaurants but when he made a comment about how antsy I seemed I began to feel a little insecure. I liked talking with him…I just couldn’t sit still any longer.
A little while later witty banter bounced back and forth between us, and my attempt at schooling him in the art of bowling failed miserably. After we finished our third game we were both ready to leave. Teach was sweating up a storm (which I found hilariously cute) and I was feeling “put on the spot.” Through my dating experience I had come to realize that if I can’t be myself or feel “stressed,” things just are not going to work out.
As we stood by my car I could tell he didn’t want the night to end, but I also got the feeling this seemed more of a “hang out” for him than a date.
“So what’s next?” He asked me.
“I don’t know…what do you feel like doing?” I was puzzled…
“Well I’m not you’re little monkey. I’m not just gonna sing and dance for you all night long. You tell me.” He retorted.
Wait a minute….what? Teach had confirmed what I had been feeling all night. I had felt as though I was almost on stage with him. That feeling of “performing” had been present all during dinner as well as bowling and he had just given me my first clue I was failing his test. But then why was he keeping the evening going…?
We moved on to a cute little brewery nearby and about the time Teach began replying to text messages from a coworker (my pet peeve on first dates), I realized the date was going on six hours. As Kristyn, my personal version of Dr. Phil had once said, “First dates are a hi, hello, how are you, not a chance to swap life stories.” I knew it was time to head home. I had gotten to know enough about Teach and although I loved his company, I also knew this wasn’t a right fit. I would never be able to feel relaxed with him in fear of scrutiny. I was way too much of a dork for him, and the mesh feeling just wasn’t right. He was the Energizer Bunny and I was the go-with-the-flow hippy. He thrived on storytelling whereas I liked discussions with back and forth.
As we stood by my car that night I wanted him to kiss me. I wanted to be wrong about Teach. He was cute, emotionally stable, hilarious, and was passionate about his job.
I could tell he was unsure of what I wanted so I took the first step forward and he leaned in.
I’m not exaggerating when I tell you that Teach’s kiss …while there was absolutely NOT A DROP of chemistry…was Phenomenal! Even without butterflies he still ranks in my top three kisses of all time.
…probably the only reason I agreed to a second date.