The Psychopath and Me: Part 1

Once upon a time, in the suburb of a concrete jungle, there lived a vertically challenged twenty-something blonde. (I really do wonder if I was made to be a real-life version of Thumbelina sometimes) Nonetheless…there I was…living my fabulous life with more friends and family a girl could ask for. I had a Master Degree in Psychology…and a wonderful job to go with it. My wardrobe was impressive, and my taste in cocktails had much improved since my ‘white-girl wasted’ days. One could say…Jblondie was growing up.

But one thing was missing….

True Love. After all, EVERYONE’S story needs to be filled with that can’t eat, can’t sleep, can’t LIVE without each other love. And while I had been in relationships before, I knew those men were simply making their cameo’s in my life. My soul mate was still out there.

So, about eight months ago, I picked out some pictures, folded my emotional baggage, placing it in travel size suitcase, and set out on a great adventure through the online world of dating.
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That’s when I met Jason: 35 years old, basically homeless, no car…or a license and 3 children (who lived with their mother for obvious reasons). Not to mention, for most of our relationship…he didn’t have a job. (He was also emotionally bankrupt). So WHAT did I do? I fell MADLY in love with him, instantly.

The first time I saw Jason, I wasn’t impressed. He was much shorter than what I usually dated, but to be honest…I’ve never been one to focus on looks. And sooner rather than later, Jason became perfect in my eyes (ironic anyone?). Everything about him was cute. From his quirky smile (which I would later deem his “gauge for evil”), to his sculpted arms, and pale blue eyes, Jason’s body seemed like home to me (even if he didn’t have one).

Our first date lasted six hours (Note to later self: first dates are not meant to last 6 hours). But honestly? I don’t even remember looking at the clock once. I had never felt so comfortable and at ease with a man (that’s how psychopaths draw you in you know). We sat in the bar just talking about everything. The forthrightness regarding his dark past was astounding (the only thing more astounding was how I didn’t run away screaming as fast as I could). Instead, all I kept thinking that night was …”this is what it’s suppose to feel like.” “This feeling of electricity is what life is all about.” I had never felt that kind of pull before towards another human being.

I remember asking him at the end of the date, “before we go any further…is there anything else I should know about you?”

“No.” He said with the confidence that only a professional liar could possess.

Little did I know….Jason was as damaged as they come…and not the damage you can overlook or love anyway. Jason’s damage ruins everything it comes into contact with. INCLUDING my love.

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As we kissed standing by my car that night I remember feeling EVERY cell in my entire body. Jason backed away and I didn’t have to guess what he was feeling, because he told me. “Let’s just runaway,” he said.
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So that’s what I did…I ran away with Jason. Maybe not from the city we lived in…or my job…but I ran away with him in every other sense of the word. At that second I had already lost myself. And it’s just now, as I type these words, that I realize how significant that exact moment was.

On our third date I picked him up from the “friend’s house” he was living with at the time. Jason had told me he was staying with his “friend’s family.” But as we drove away from the house that night Jason had his first of three major bombs to drop.

“So what did I tell you about where I was staying?” He asked calmly. (AKA he clearly didn’t remember his lie).
“You said you were living with your friend’s family.” I answered.
“Yes. I am. But I met Deena online about four months ago and she offered for me to stay with her and her family while I got myself back together up here.” (He was originally from Indianapolis).
“Like you met her online…?” I began to feel my body seize.
“Yeah and now she’s super pissed that I’m leaving with you.”
“Well have you slept with her recently?” I calmly retorted. “…because I’d be super pissed if I was her too then.” (My brain was spinning)

THAT WAS THE MOMENT. My gut…my head…everything in my body was screaming at me to stop the car and tell him to get out. I’m an educated woman for fuck sake…and yet there I was…ignoring ALL of my instincts (Ridiculous JBlondie…and her even more ridiculous heart). I blinded myself from the flashing red lights and kept speeding forward.

As Jason explained how he had told Deena he “just wasn’t attracted to her,” about a month ago…my chest began to breathe easier. He looked at me with a deflated smile and said, “I’m just trying to be happy again.” With that statement I grabbed his hand in my darkened car, and we headed to meet my friends for a drink.

…That’s when the roller coaster ride began… (AKA the Plot Thickens)

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5 thoughts on “The Psychopath and Me: Part 1

  1. The great thing about dating someone that is wrong in so many ways for you is that you get the opportunity to really gain some perspective as to what is closer to being right for you!

    Like

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