The Mad Hatter….

“Take your fucking pants off, “ he demanded. God he was sexy.

I had been immediately attracted to Billy. Not only was his smile magnetic but his shy, quiet ways drew me into him instantly. He had a silent power about himself. He wasn’t flashy, and he didn’t have to even try to make me laugh…everything was just so natural. Billy always said that he “lit up,” when he saw me. “I never smile,” he once told me during one of those talks you only have on pillows. Yet he was ALWAYS smiling with me. 

But one thing just wasn’t right…

He never took off his hat (and it wasn’t like he was making a fashion statement… it was a baseball cap).

We went to the movies (he wore his hat),to nice restaurants (he wore his hat…wtf), and we even had a hot make out session (I wasn’t sure it was possible either, yet the hat remained on.) Given that Billy was 29 at the time, I chalked it up to early balding.He must be embarrassed or something,” I thought to myself after kissing him for about an hour while his hat occasionally hit my head (don’t worry, no bruises were made… surprisingly).

But somehow, I honestly couldn’t have cared less because every time I hugged him and gently squeezed his body into mine I began to melt into him. I wanted to see him naked…because I knew I would like it (and I assumed he AT LEAST removed it to shower and for sex…).   

I visited his house one evening and as soon as I met him on his couch we immediately began kissing. His lipsmoved faster against mine, and I could tell he was thinking the same thing as me. I moved my mouth down,pressing hard against his neck and onto his collarbone. And as if he knew what I wanted he grabbed my face, brushed my bangs to the side and kissed me softly. I backed off, looking into his dark, almost black eyes, andas we smiled at each other, I thought, “He’s ready to take off his hat.” So, I reached for it, and without warning he pushed my hand away with great force. I awkwardly laughed and then gave him a look that I’m sure was easy to read “seriously?”

He took over from there and I was still in a bit of shock by the time I realized that I was completely nakedand yet he was still fully clothed (thank god he at least took off his shoes).

 “Well this certainly isn’t fair,” I thought to myself. So I reached for his t-shirt and attempted to take it off ofhim. He wouldn’t let me. I tried to slowly slip his jeans off over his ass…nope. He wouldn’t let me! Finally…I realized he was wearing his socks (which is an ultimate pet peeve of mine) so I wrestled him onto his back and slowly moved my way towards his feet. He just fought back even harder! With one of his hands he held both of mine down, and gently flipped me back onto the ground.

So, there we were, having sex with his hat on his head, with his t-shirt, jeans, and socks still intact. However, there was passion…intensity…and an awkward type of rawness (there was a lot of awkwardness actually). But I enjoyed myself to say the least.

Afterwards, lying beside each other (yes he even wore his hat during cuddling) I asked him about the whole clothes debacle.

“I dunno.  You’re sexy, I’m not. So why take my clothes off?” Billy asked.

“Well your nakedness is really for my enjoyment, not yours.” I responded.

But honestly I was at a loss. I figured it would just take some time for him to become comfortable enough with me that he realized I loved his body just the way it was.

I arrived home later that day, and Kristyn (my confessional priest) was quickly filled in about my perplexedthoughts/sins on the night before.

“First of all, why doesn’t he have a bed?” She inquired.

“I’m not sure. I guess the girlfriend took that when she moved out eight months ago.” I answered honestly. Billy had always blamed being too busy with work, and watching his son to tend to silly nuances like obtaining a bed.

“Ok well that’s weird. …but this whole clothes things has got to go. I would never have sex with a man if he refused to take of his pants.” Kristyn said bluntly.

Was it really THAT strange? I contemplated the situation for a good three minutes and then decided to daydrink. I mean…I made the man light up for fuck sake.

I liked Billy so much. But there was some serious quirks (red flags) here to consider. Was the fact that he…

A.) didn’t have a bed, B.) wouldn’t take off his clothes, and C.) seemed to enjoy missing me MORE than actually seeing me (since we had never had a date more than once a week) going to be too much weirdness for me to handle?

 Sadly, yes it was.

 Billy and I weren’t meant to be. I realized that in the end, while I was opening him up to being more vulnerable and comfortable with himself, I was getting lost. After a good amount of dating I seemed to know minute details about him and I’m pretty sure he never even knew where I lived or where I was born.

…That’s the problem with being so naturally attracted to someone though. Initial logic and sense go out the window and before you know it, you’re naked and kissing someone who can’t even take off his hat for you.


7 thoughts on “The Mad Hatter….

  1. Oh we text each other once in a blue moon Phil. Something is still there…I can feel it. But I don’t think either one of us would admit it to each other. That would take real emotions and apologies. …besides what’s mean to be will be…no need to force the things that don’t work out naturally right?


  2. I loved this post! I agree with Kristyn, I would never have sex with a man if he didn’t take off his pants. The only exception would be if I had a dress on and we were not at home. Haha. And your last bit about being naturally attracted to someone is so incredibly spot on.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Now that is weird. And not at all what I was expecting to read… Originally I was thinking, OK maybe this could work in an LL Cool J kind of way. But the fact that the rest of the clothes stayed on too was just too much?!

    By the way, thanks for the visits to my blog. Much appreciated.


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