Dear Ear Licker

While you are incredibly handsome and I did agree to a second date with you, that doesn’t mean I have given you permission to not only nibble my ear but also molest it in public.

Yes. We may be making out in this movie theatre, but that does NOT give you the right to jab your darty, thin tongue in and out of my anti-helix. Not only do I feel violated at this point, but as I try to drop hints that what you are doing is not only turning me OFF, but actually making me nauseous, I am also contemplating the fact that you are probably the type of man who still gives hickies AND thinks it’s sexy. Guess what….they’re not.

I agreed to this second date because of your ambitious nature, and the fact that you are SO funny I can’t hold back my laughing cackles. But needless to say if I had known your slobber would be dripping inside one of my bodily openings I would not have said yes. Seriously…we’re going on five minutes now. Give the ear a rest…she’s wet and it’s not because she wants you to fuck her.

Also, yes the movie is turning out to be horrible (but since we’ve went Dutch), I’d at least like to watch it without the fear of turning my head so you may have easier access to the ear which you so creepily enjoy. If I were you I’d take a pen and begin to start jotting down the pointers I’m going to give you after the movie because while we’re NOT going on a third date…I may be able to help you out with future women and thoughts in general concerning the hygiene of ear licking (because honestly I don’t remember the last time I Q-tipped that shit).

Final note: If you keep moving your hand up my dress and begin to head toward my V-zone…you’re going to get your fingers bitten off and there will be nothing sexy about that either (because seriously this is a 2nd Date!)

Sincerely yours,


P.S. Thanks for not being a serial-killer ear licker 😉

P.P.S. Remember to keep watching for “The man who NEVER took off his hat”


3 thoughts on “Dear Ear Licker

  1. Why however did you know “Phil”? …was it the saliva in the anti-helix portion of my ear?…or maybe it was his choice in where to place his hands on the second date? aka…somewhere they don’t fucking belong.


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