Personal Gandhi

I had never been drunk on a date before (And I highly recommend it…especially when you’re meeting someone for the first time-always a good impression). Unfortunately, Landon was everything I was looking for and boy did I let that go to my head along with the alcohol! …But let’s rewind shall we?….

It was snowing like hell the night I first met Landon. The city was expecting twelve inches of snow that night and into the next day. I had asked him if he wanted to reschedule, because he lived about 45 minutes away, but he opted to meet at the bar closest to me instead (very gentleman like).

The first time I saw him, I had an immediate sigh of relief when he smiled… and he actually had all of his teeth! He looked EXACTLY like his pictures. As I walked up to him in my ridiculously high heels, I went in for a friendly hug and sent my habitual prayer up into the heavens “Dear god, please don’t let this man be a serial killer.”

One Jack and Diet in (there was my first mistake) Landon began to tell me about himself. Turns out this was his first date in two years (Oh good! He’s looking for a commitment right away then…). Before that he had been engaged to a girl who had attempted suicide because she couldn’t forgive herself for cheating on him (oh so he has no trust issues…awesome). He also went on to tell me incredibly private, personal information about himself including why he had trouble making eye contact with people (which I don’t feel like telling to the world). But needless to say some type of alarms should have been going off in my head since we were about an hour into the date.

Now stop. I know what you’re thinking. Run Jessica…Run away. But what did I do you ask?…I began to dive deeper and deeper into serious “like” with Landon.

After he spilled his soul to me and divulged not only all of HIS emotional issues but ALSO his mother’s and sisters…he then told me about a plot of land he owned in Ireland that he visited twice a year, a house (with two hot tubs) he owned in Michigan, and explained to me how he had just bought his niece a trip to Disney World. When he talked about her ,his face lit up, and I all I could think was “we would make pretty babies,” (that’s when I should’ve stopped drinking). But I was on my second J&D and had two shots of tequila by this time…I was just getting going. As we sat and laughed about how crazy people are Landon stopped, looked into my eyes and said, “Jessica you are exactly what I’ve been needing in my life.” (Swoon!).

Then it was as if the bar had turned down the music and everyone had stopped talking because all I could hear Landon say was, “I want to kiss you Jessica. But I don’t want you to kiss me just because you’ve had too much to drink, but you’re gorgeous and I want to know what your lips feel like.”

I touched his hand that so gently cupped my face and kissed him.

As our lips touched a magnetic jolt traveled throughout my entire body. “Yep. Done for,” I thought. After all, he’s emotionally unavailable, smart, damaged, and cute….what’s not to like (my perfect man)?

By this time we were both looking to chase the excitement we had just felt. That’s when Landon asked me a question I had never been asked before on a date:” Jess, what do you think about going to a strip club?

Now I’m not a prude…But even in my drunken haze, I thought, “this is not normal.” So how did I respond…”Why not!?” Needless to say while Landon was still hanging on to the sober train, I had jumped off about three stops back.

The strip club was interesting to say the least (and dirty)…lots of strippers wearing glasses who were definitely NOT trying to pull off the ‘sexy teacher’ look. Landon and I began talking about sex…our likes…or dislikes. While I’m more of a ‘butt’ girl, he preferred a good set of boobs (you know, just normal first date chit-chat).  Still didn’t see the red flags.

On the way home we nearly slid off the road due to the snowstorm that was getting worse by the second. And before I could think of all of the ramifications I blurted out “So we’re not going to have sex, but do you wanna sleep on my couch at least?”

Being like any straight male he answered “yes.”

But what I had NOT thought about was how my best friend/roommate, (and mayhaps platonic soul mate) would think about a strange man in our apartment. Upon our return home Landon began talking to Kristyn just as if they had been friends for years. In the 5 minutes he talked to her… he had a famous dog, volunteered his time at an animal shelter, and owned sheep in Ireland.

Yet of course, Kristyn, being my ever ‘back to reality’ rubber band pulled me into her room and said the words every drunk girl who is about to make a really bad decision needs to hear.

“You realize if he stays here you’re going to sleep with him right?”

As I kept assuring her I had no intentions of having sex with him (even though it had crossed my mind to get a little slutty) she blurted out “You also realize he could definitely still be a serial killer?” Words to live by in my book and Kristyn’s daily mantra.

I told Landon that my roommate did not approve of his visit (easy way out). We had a long make out session in front of my apartment door, and then we said our goodbyes as he ventured out into the snow.

Landon texted me that he had gotten home safe that night and I apologized for making him fear the storm. He said he understood but I could tell his attitude toward me had changed. I asked him how he was doing the next day and my texts went unreturned.

I was sad for about three days but then Kristyn (my own personal version of Gandhi) said something I will never forget. “Jessica, men who take girls on first dates to strip clubs do not volunteer at animal shelters.”

P.S. Still to come…the man who never took off his hat.


One thought on “Personal Gandhi

  1. Haha wow – sounds like you had quite the adventure with him!

    I second what your friend said. To be honest it sounds like there are just too many red flags with this guy. Probably for the better that you didn’t go any further with him that night.


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